I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
