tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
