I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
