Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
