this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
