I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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