I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
