the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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