so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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