Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
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