Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
vagina is talking i cant
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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