How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
