Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
