yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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