so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
