Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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