never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
