Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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