Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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