sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
