I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
