its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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