It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I checked into jail on foursquare
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
