The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
