if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
