im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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