Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
