how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
