In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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