she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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