If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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