i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
