Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
