Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
