Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
