Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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