nut hugger
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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