Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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