I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
