and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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