Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
