dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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