There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
