She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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