I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Vodka?
Forever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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