just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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