is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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