Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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