I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
