I skipped work to stalk him.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
