I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
