I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
