Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
