I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
