Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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