absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
