end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
